Finding Yourself – As A Mom

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So many women and girls dream of being a mom.  Often we find ourselves, as moms, without a sense of who we are. We lose our identity and who we are.  It is time to find yourself.

Being a mother is a demanding job.

Being responsible for tiny human beings who depend upon you for their basic needs and survival.

Sometimes, as a mother, we forget about who we are.  The title of mother overtakes everything else that we are, especially for a stay at home mom.  Being a mom can be the best title in the world, but it shouldn’t be your only one.

I gave up my career as a hair stylist after my second child was born.

I barely made more than minimum wage, and paying for 2 children in childcare was not worth it.  For me, it was not worth missing out on their lives for the extra $20 a day I was bringing home.  I wanted to be there for them every day.

But giving up my career was not an easy decision.  In many ways, it was the easiest decision I ever made but it has also been a very difficult one.

When people ask me what I miss about working, it is not the extra money or the fantastic clients I had.  Sure, I miss that, but what I miss is something I never even anticipated when I stopped working.

I missed being something other than being a mom.

Before children, I used to describe myself in many ways. I am a hard-working, independent, driven woman.  I am a loyal friend, a charitable, loving human being…  My favourite way to describe myself for many years was as “a hairstylist by trade but an artist by passion”.

So many different ways to describe me, my talents, and my passions.

The way I described myself would change as often as my hairstyle, which honestly was quite often.

I started working (volunteering) when I was 13 years old.  When I was 16, I got my first real job and I did not stop working until I went on sick leave a few weeks before my first child was born.  I worked through high school, university, trade school, and then finally focused on my career.  That is almost a decade of working, and I was only 23 years old.

When I was on maternity leave with my first, I described myself as a mom but I was still a hair stylist.  I still had my career goals.  Even during maternity leave with my second, I still had a job to go back too.  But then when I decided to stop working, things started to shift.

For a few years after becoming a mom, I still had aspirations of going back to work in a salon eventually.

I kept the occasional client and would work from home when my husband was able to watch the children.  But slowly those clients found new stylists and I found myself always being too busy to book more.

Then we moved across the country and I didn’t even try to establish a clientele.  I officially retired from the world of hairstyling.

That is also when I stopped describing myself as anything other than a mom.

My eldest child is about to celebrate his tenth birthday.

Perhaps it is the milestone of being a mother for a whole decade, but recently I have really been struggling with who I am.

Who am I, besides a mother?

Before I started my YouTube channel, I never realized how I described myself.  But now I hear myself say it in almost every video.

Perhaps it was because I never really had to describe myself to anyone or introduce myself beside a greeting and my name.  Most of the people I meet are other moms, parents at the park or at a child-focused event.  There was no need to describe yourself.  Occasionally I am asked what I do for work, and that answer is simple.  I am a stay at home mom.

On social media it is different, you have to tell the audience who you are in hopes that they will find that appealing and will follow or subscribe to you.

So how do I describe myself now?

As a mom of 4 boys.

That is who I am.

Being a mom has completely overtaken all aspects of my life and now, to describe myself, that is who I am.  No longer do I describe me as anything else.  My description doesn’t change with the season or the hairstyle.  It is always the same.

I would never change being a mom, but has being a mom really changed who I am?

I am still the same person, but now I have tiny humans who depend on me.

So now the question is,

Who do I want to be?

Of course, I want to be a mom.  Being a mom is the most rewarding title I could ever have, but I still find myself amongst an identity crisis which is challenging my soul to a deeper level than I have ever felt before.

I desire to be a provider, financially.  To be inspirational and motivating to other women, to someone other than my kids.  I want to be an artist and an author…  I want to find who I am as a human being.

What is my soul’s purpose on this planet?

There are so many dreams and aspirations going on within my head as I try and find who I am outside of being a mom.

Going back to work isn’t really what my soul is craving.  Being a hardworking, career-focused woman was just a season in my life that has come to pass.  I do not need a career to define who I am.  I do not need a job to be considered hardworking.  Instead, I need to look deep inside and find myself.

I love being me and I want people to see me for being something other than a mom.

I want to be known for being me.

Can you relate to this article?  Do you struggle to find yourself as a Mom?  Share it to let other women know they are not alone!