Scare Tactics and Birth Trauma – Still Healing 10 Years Later
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Bringing a new life into this world can be a terrifying thing without the scare tactics used to persuade pregnant women. This is my birth trauma story…
10 years ago, I had the last appointment with my midwives before the birth of my first child.
I woke up feeling great and prepared to discuss a potential induction.
I was 42 weeks pregnant with my first child. He was two weeks later than I excepted him, despite lots of Braxton hicks contractions and false labour symptoms.
The idea of an induction scared me.
My whole pregnancy, I had been very set on a natural birth. I didn’t want to be induced, I didn’t want an epidural, I didn’t want to be confined to a bed.
I wanted to trust my body to do what I knew it was capable of.
My midwives were fully supportive of this, and the head midwife of my team really tried to convince me to do a home birth. As a first time mom, that idea scared me a bit. My baby was due early December and our area was notorious for fierce winter storms. On a good day, it took approximately 20 minutes to get to the hospital in the nearest city. On a bad day, it could easily take over an hour. We talked about the pros and cons, and I felt like I made a decision for my birth based on informed consent.
But now we were getting down to the wire. We were also getting close to Christmas. My appointment today was with a different member of my team. She started saying that doctors were going to get booked up with people inducing to have their babies before Christmas and she wanted to make sure I had a spot if I wanted it.
She then began talking, very bluntly, about all the things that could go wrong if I did not go for
My jaw hit the floor when she mentioned stillbirth.
If you do not induce soon, your baby could be stillborn.
No stats were
I swallowed my pride, and my tears, and went home to await the call to tell me when my induction was scheduled. A few hours later, I knew it would be tomorrow.
All I could think about was why was I so stubborn?
Why didn’t I agree to an induction at 40 weeks?
Did I make a huge mistake?
Have I killed my baby by wanting him to choose his birthday?
As per my last ultrasound, they were expecting my baby to be big. I knew he was big as I could feel him in my ribs and putting pressure on my cervix. This did not scare me. Many babies in my family are big and my husband was the biggest baby born in his small town hospital. According to my ultrasound results, his predicted birth weight was 9lbs 8oz. My husband was 10lbs 12oz when he was born without any complications. My grandmother gave birth to a 10lb baby as well. I have the pelvis to do this!
But hearing the word stillbirth in the same sentence as my baby scared the crap out of me. I could feel my baby moving. The last ultrasound showed no sign for concern. Despite being 2 weeks past my due date, I felt fantastic. I tried my best to think positively.
The scare tactics were unbelievable.
Because I turned down the gestational diabetes screening they couldn’t be sure if I had it or not, and the rate of infant mortality increases… blah blah blah.
My mind shut off.
I couldn’t hear anymore.
All I wanted was my baby out and earthside and safe.
I agreed to the induction.
I kept replaying the appointment in my head, trying my best to be brave and hide my anxiety-ridden interior.
8 am the next morning I was to call the hospital to confirm my 9 am induction.
Induction Day
I woke up the next morning to a blizzard.
It had snowed heavily overnight and the flakes continued to come down. It was beautiful, and exactly the reason I had wanted a hospital birth. I did not want to risk the roads in an emergency if we had attempted
But then I called the hospital…
Because of the blizzard, they were cancelling all elective inductions.
I lost my mind.
Did they not know the risk I faced? Did my midwife not tell them that my baby could be stillborn if I put off this induction? I thought my baby was going to die. Then the thoughts spiralled out of control. I thought, what if I went into labour on my own? What if we couldn’t leave the house? And what if my midwife couldn’t make it in time? What if my baby died and we couldn’t get to the hospital?
What if my baby died?
I was literally freaking out.
My husband tried to calm me down. I was inconsolable. My whole day was spent in bed – crying or passed out from mental exhaustion. He called my midwife because he didn’t know what else to do. My midwife promised to call the hospital and sort things out
Around 5 pm we received word that the induction was a go for the next morning. No need to call in, my midwife would meet me there at 9 am.
I didn’t sleep much that night.
I made it through the night and made it to my induction.
After 4 hours of active labour and 12 minutes of pushing, my son arrived a happy and healthy 10lbs 12oz and 22 inches long. He even made his arrival before the anesthesiologist could even make it.
No blood sugar issues.
No shoulder dystocia.
A few minor tears but no episiotomy needed.
No meconium.
None of the issues that had been used to “encourage” me to have the induction were present. In fact, he had perfect Apgar scores and was just a big boy, like his Daddy was.
Birth Trauma Reflection
As I look back on this day, I often wonder when he would have been born had I let nature take its course.
When I arrived at the hospital I was already 5cm dilated. The doctor broke my water and then start oxytocin. The doctor said he probably didn’t even have to start the oxytocin but I was there so he did
In many ways, I feel traumatized by my first birth experience. I did not even know that mental anguish and scare tactics like this were possible. I thought birth trauma was physical. Unnecessary c-sections, episiotomies, birth rape…
But the mental trauma endoured by so many women is birth trauma as well.
His birth, itself, was wonderful. But what occurred leading up to it has left me scarred mentally. It has been 10 years and I still feel anxious thinking about that day.
I will always wonder why my midwife, who until that moment had been so supportive and caring, all of a sudden changed her approach. Why did it happen this way?
I am all for informed consent.
For knowing the possible outcomes and risks.
I am an information seeker. But when information is given in such a way that you have no choice but to obey, it is no longer informed consent. The choice is removed the moment you hear “if you do not do this, your baby could die”.
I didn’t have any of the typical signs of risk factors. I wasn’t obese. No health concerns. I wasn’t diabetic – despite not taking the GD test I still testing my urine regularly and watched my blood sugars. My blood pressure was normal all throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t have any pre-existing health conditions.
All I had was a baby who was expected to be big.
It has been 10 years and I can still remember the exact moment she told me my baby could be stillborn if I did not go for the induction
That fear still haunts me. The 49 hours and 35 minutes of dread, from the moment she said it until I had my baby in my arms, has not escaped my subconscious.
I have gone on to have three other big babies, including two amazing home births. I have worked with other midwives and have felt so supported through my pregnancies, labour, birth, and postpartum periods.
Will I ever be able to truly heal from my first birth?
Only time will tell.
4 Comments
Heather Harris
I literally just switched OBs. With baby #1, I had very little, if any testing done and was planning on a natural birth, but didn’t quite make it there: I ended up getting an epidural around 8cm dilated, but this time around, I’ve been exposed to so many resources and I feel much more prepared for labor. I would have loved to deliver at a birth center, but I just don’t have the budget for that. My first midwife with baby #1 started talking about inducing me only days after my EDD. Baby 1 was due Christmas Eve and I delivered him on New Years’ Eve. He was completely healthy. I can’t imagine how I would have reacted to the pressure of induction if I would have gone 2 or 3 weeks over, and I think it’s sad that a lot of doctors recommend induction and push the “dead baby” card. I realize that things do happen, but scaring moms with the potential of a medical emergency is baffling to me.
I learned at the first appointment that my new hospital is phasing out midwives’ presence in the delivery room, and so even if you see a midwife, you also end up seeing an OB. The midwife that saw me recommended an OB who was supposed to be more natural, etc, so I went with the recommended doctor, Dr. L.
Dr L. was awful. Just seriously the worst. At my first appointment with her I refused a flu shot and the first thing she told me was how many people died last year from the flu. I brushed it off, but that in of itself should have been a red flag. I didn’t see her again until the anatomy/gender reveal ultrasound (2 months later). I did my ultrasound and had an appointment scheduled with her IMMEDIATELY after, but she ended up making me wait in the exam room for nearly an hour after my scheduled appointment time. She then started giving me pamphlets for breastfeeding classes and childbirth classes, even though at our first appointment, I’d told her this was baby #2 and it should have been referenced in my chart as well. At this appointment I also informed her I would not be doing the glucose test. I’d refused it with my first and my first midwife had no objections since I had a very low-risk pregnancy. I’d heard horror stories of push OBs, but didn’t realize what was about to happen to me. Dr. L flipped and did a complete 180. She essentially started talking to me in a tone as if I already had gestational diabetes and explained to me in very clear terms that my baby would “pack on weight in the shoulders like a linebacker” and get stuck behind my pubic bone, which would lead to a medical emergency.
I had to basically stand my ground and tell her NO, firmly, four or five times. The appointment was over shortly after that, but not before she informed me that the weight of my first son (8 lbs 10 oz) was “big” compared to the average 6-7 lb newborn. My husband was in the room and was basically so taken aback that neither he or I knew how to respond. Later he told me it seemed to him that the most important thing was for her to be right. When I told that story to family, my sister-in-law had coincidentally seen Dr. L as well, and she had similar sentiments.
I believe wholeheartedly in informed consent, but this OB definitely used scare tactics and bullied me in an attempt to sway my opinions. I do my own research and ask questions at appointments if I feel like I need anything clarified, but there are a lot of tests I feel are unnecessary and overtly invasive for my risk level. Declining these optional tests has never presented an issue in the past, so I’m hoping I can develop a better relationship with my second OB, since she will likely be there to deliver my second son!
Amy
When is baby #2 due? I hope you have better appointments coming forward! I denied the GB test as well but told my midwives that I would be more than willing to monitor my blood sugar and diet if they felt I was at risk.
8lbs 10oz sounds so tiny to me! My biggest was 11 lbs 9 oz. He was delivered quickly and easily in the comfort of my own living room. I believe that it was such an easy birth because of the attitude of my birth team. My midwives with #4 were beyond amazing (all my other midwives at my births have been amazing too but they were a completely different level of awesomeness.) When you feel respected, confident, and empowered it is amazing what you can do.
I wish you the best of luck and a quick labour for your upcoming birth.
Heather Harris
I’m due April 15th. I think one of my uncles was born weighing nearly 12 lbs…but no one ever told me that my first was a “big” baby up until Dr. L., so that was bizarre to say the least. The only thing I’d heard from the team present at my first birth was that he was a healthy baby.
Because I’m going into this birth with the same goal in mind (no epidural, no interventions unless absolutely necessary), I knew I needed a midwife (and now OB, as well) who would respect and advocate for my wishes. In fact, my mom is coming with me to my next appointment out of caution. She went with me to my ultrasound, but left before meeting my OB, and she was very upset to hear the things the doctor had said to me.
I’ve also written up a birth plan, which I entirely neglected to do with the first. It’s amazing how much support there is in the online community for natural births. I feel like I’ve learned so much and I’m much more excited going into this than I was with my first. These next four months are really going to fly by. It honestly feels like just yesterday that we told everyone we were expecting, and now I’m over halfway there!
Amy
Another option which might benefit you is you hire a doula. I had a doula with my fourth and wished I had known about them from day one. Many doulas also know many rules and regulations of the hospitals and can help you navigate the system and promote your wishes. Plus they are just awesome support – both emotional and physical. Mine also took some AMAZING photos!